Sometimes people are really excited to hear about the true and everlasting gospel. And then sometimes people are really, really mean to you. Sometimes you're mean to yourself. It's hard not to let things get to you. As a missionary, Satan knows he can't get you to do evil. But he can put thoughts into your mind that degrade you and make you think you're worthless. He can tell you that the people around you have no respect for you. He can tell you that you're unloved, that you're a failure. I'm ashamed to say that I've let a lot of that get to me. I've spent a few too many times crying in the shower, thinking so little of myself. But as I kneel to pray each night, I feel so much peace and comfort as I talk to my Heavenly Father.
I eventually crawled out of the pit of self pity that I dug for myself. There are still moments where I struggle, but my faith is secure. I know in whom I have trusted. And I know that there are people out here in Hemet that feel that hopelessness that Satan loves to give us. Even though we all are susceptible to these feelings, those of us who know the Savior can find relief. But not everyone does! And I am out here as a missionary to find the lost souls and help them find that relief. I can be the light in the darkness. I need to remember my purpose and my divine worth.
I know I'm not the only missionary who has felt lost at times. But the Atonement is infinite. Jesus Christ loves us:) Rejoice! Find your strength in the words of the prophets! Find solace in the love of the Redeemer! Pray for charity, for charity never fails. Everything will be okay.
On more happy notes, the ward Halloween party was fantastic! The Sister Missionaries were the judges for the chili cook off and it was so exciting. We had almost 20 different chilies to choose from, and all of them were so yummy. After the judging, we went around and mingled with the ward. We played games, gave out prizes, and ate more cotton candy than should be allowed. The ward is so good and so loving and I just love the Valle Vista ward!
Life is sometimes terrible. But there are silver linings everywhere. It can be a scripture you happen upon, an unexpected letter from a friend, it can be a shooting star on the drive to a lesson. Heavenly Father knows that mortality is tough. But He has given us little gems along the way to uplift us and to give us hope. I'm trying this week to focus on the good, to focus less on myself. There's always room to improve, and I'm striving to be like my Savior. Little steps are all it takes:)
Know I love you, and that your Father in Heaven loves you. You have a Savior who died for you, who knows exactly how difficult life is for you.
Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. It empties today of its strength.
-- Corrie ten Boom